Number Fourteen

Question your leaders; who did they screw?
Answer your subordinates; who screwed them?

Question your identity; are you even real?
Answer your ego; are you real even?

Question the pain; who deserves it?
Answer the love--you deserve it.

Question who gave you meaning; bite the hands.
Answer those you created, they're your monsters.

Question sleep; revel in schizophrenic fantasies.
Answer the day, and tell me how you survived.

We may be children of sin,
But let's also be parents of mercy, for once...

Number Thirteen

I love you.
You give me everything to look forward to.
You decimate the threat and kill the night.
You make me know I am safe for now.

I loved you.
You were there for real for a time.
You pulled away and took your empathy.
You made me wonder why.

I don't feel you.
You are gone, and I am staring at the wall.
You used to sing tunes of tender understanding.
You are a whisper of memories, fading.

I hate you.
You twist the knife in decency.
You take away the meaning of life.
You substitute substances for substance.

I hated you.
You lied to yourself and forgot the dosage.
You bared your teeth when cornered.
You struck your friend down like an enemy.

I am lost.
Break the mirror and rearrange the pieces.
Feel at home in a stomach flutter.
Please, don't leave me here in the dark.

Number Twelve

I hate when it’s hard to roll out of bed. It sucks when I philosophically believe in the silver lining of life. So, why aren’t I more positive? My thoughts start to annoy me, so I begin doing substances before I even eat. I’m hurting myself in the long run, but I hurt for other reasons. I’m not better than this life, I suppose.

It’s not a sin to be selfish.

If you say I deserve better, you miss the point. I don’t even believe in good or evil anymore. There is no such thing as better–it’s the biggest lie of society. We’re burning our planet to the ground, we can’t afford innocence. I can feel the corruption coursing through my intent. I will burn it all to the ground too, then. If only to feel something.

It’s not a sin to be selfish.

It’s fun to disarm people with the truth. As children of sin, we’re expected to deceive. We’re expected to do everything in our power to gain more power. It’s the magic of the mundane. In the end, it really is easier to face the music. Rejection for being true stings, but it doesn’t ache like longing to belong. Even a sad tune is pulchritudinous in its purity.

It’s not a sin to be selfish.

People often use religion to give their life meaning when they’re alone. I’m using it to strip my life of any meaning, because I am tired of limiting myself for honour. There are bigger fish to fry than my insecurity. Art is the key to immortality if we ever had one. Live by the pen if only to die by the pen.

It’s not a sin to be selfish.

Number Eleven

I think it’s funny when people ask me why I like them. The dark reality is that people are afraid of the mundane to the point that they won’t take a chance. It’s easier to assume you’re a piece of shit, no?

The fact is, I have my fears, and they are alleviated when I’m not alone. Materialism is dead in my soul; I don’t care about the physical. Classism is slavery; I don’t care about status.

In constant search for the spiritual answers, I think I’m still lost. I trust will-o-wisps when my own lantern runs dry, and they lead me astray.

Don’t be a hypocrite; you will never be able to have your cake and eat it. And why would you want to? People are starving on every level in our world.

Number Ten

I light a cigarette. I look at the blood moon and see a laughing skull. Have your joke, devil, for I am the bastard son of a princess, and lo! I have king’s blood.

I walk the streets to admire the cold if only to be a splash of colour. I’m the one they warned you about in the night. I light another cigarette and nod.

A trick of the eye in a poorly lit mirror, and all you see is the echos. Your mind whispers what it thinks your reflection means. The movement is a lie:

Light is meaningless without definition. Enlightenment is meaningless in our own minds. We seek to shed light on our darkness, but are we just shedding our darkness on the light? I light the last cigarette.

When I look into eyes of lovers, I see the deadness of the soul, surrounded by the flesh of intent. Do we really exist to just to lust for the same obsession of mind we give others?

It’s okay to bleed on me, for what’s another stain? I don’t mind setting hearts ablaze, if only to savour the moment in a photograph. So laugh at me if you must, mister moon. But I need another cigarette.

And so I keep walking.

Number Nine

Words from the silver tongue, a silky trap for ears and unwary travelers in the night. I know you’re up to something.

Take a stick and beat away the net. The leaves fall, and we wonder what specter waits in the nippy cold.

You sip your cigarette; I sip my pride. You want acceptance; I want answers. Is this really the disconnect?

To wonder what unconditional love is. I took bolt cutters and callously broke the chains. Chasing the rush, I continue to break my body.

Every time I grab the light, it vanishes on me. Damn you, will-o-wisp! Are you ever tangible? Am I just a cat hunting the red dot on the wall?

If anything was ever real, it’s the connection. I’m not alone in this room. The moon bathes me in serene solitude tonight, but I don’t think I’m alone.

Number Eight

I prick my fingers on the thorns
To ride the devil’s own luck.
I will destroy beauty with horns.

Revel in your own time’s values.
Everything’s ablaze, in quiet solitude.
It’s crashing down now, what a ruse.

A year late and short a grand.
Mirrors are erected to remind us:
Oh, how we burn Fairyland.

I’ll take you for a spin in incense,
But better be ready to dive.
They say I’m a bad influence.

Number Seven

There’s a plane of happiness where your mind can soar free, and you are everything you ever wanted to be. And it will never be enough.

 

We feed the monsters so we can fly with the unicorns. Well run fast, little pioneer, because when you see your rainbow, you will realize that it isn’t real.

 

That’s when we fall. The portal to your personal hell opens in that flash of failure. What demons will catch us in our sleep?

 

What sorcery is this that you use to stay one step ahead of the game? Thigh highs and macabre makeup to pierce the lust; a good book to pierce the night.

 

When you look at nothing, I hope you see your dreams. There’s a price, can you make that sacrifice? The crickets continue to chirp.

 

The devil stands over our sins, but who’s really counting anyway? So follow that rainbow and don’t get lost, little pioneer.

Number Six

I want to be the light in the darkness.
To paint a new obscenity on the wall.
To throw it on the ground.
To say I’m in control of the forces that pull me.
To wield magic over an innocent.

I want to be the illusions on the paranoid mind.
To savor in the sorrows.
To be the vision where there is none.
To say, “don’t abandon hope, not yet.”
To drag a clean doll through the mud.

I want to shine through a fog of doubt.
To create colours you’ve never heard of.
To be the feeling that no words describe.
To say I did my part in the war on love.
To create something real, to create someone.

I want to be the light in the darkness.

Number Five

We’re all evil by any standard if selfishness is evil. Just ask yourself, who was hurt more by your actions? Not to feel shame or guilt but to learn why it is you’re selfish in the first place.

What is power, really? Illusions of power are fun but ultimately, I notice the lie. We’re not really put here to manipulate and outwit each other, but we go on as we please.

What is the price of society? The forests are burning, ice is melting, and the water is dirty… But you got your cake, right? Is it enough? Did it turn to ash in your mouth when your friend got a better cake?

Stop fighting for causes that will ultimately engulf the only home we have. It’s time to clean up the house, humanity.

Do you need a timeout?

Number Four

Do you beg God for forgiveness? Maybe you should beg those you wronged for forgiveness.

That’s all anyone of us want, and frankly that’s all any of us deserve.

Do you own up to your failings and show humility? Maybe you should be proud of who you are and what you’re capable of.

Your inner power shines over all, and those who wish to shade you are simply in the way.

Do you have power over people? Maybe you should know that real respect comes from grit.

I saw today that I have the right allies, and all I did to achieve them was be real.

Did you get mad today and curse your so-called enemies? Maybe you should take a deep breathe and exhale the ego.

We’re not as alone as we think we are. Good fortune will always smile on those who see the silver lining.

Number Three

You’re never really alone are you? I mean, for all the fuss about loneliness? I look around and I see things that are just a collection of people. I think if I keep pulling this one thread that I might end up somewhere I have never been. And we just keep coming back to same comforts that addled us in the first place.

The tragedy is when you are worried about whether you’re alone or too exposed, you may just forget it was you who mattered through it all.

If a thought comes to you and you can sleep, it may be worth noting that another human being taught you the means to communicate that need to yourself. If you can’t sleep, it’s okay, I can’t either.

I love you though.

Number Two

How do you do that? You pluck all the right strings? How do you do that?

There has always been this entity there in your eyes. Is that emptiness or is it true understanding? How do you do that?

It’s strange when you see a creature before you who is a reflection of a myriad of decisions that neither of us have control over, but I saw myself in that moment. Every time I look into your soul, I see my equal. How do you do that?

I thought I was the best there never was, but there I am bested by… Me?

Are you really the devil in disguise? Well I’m sorry buddy, I ain’t got a soul left to sell. I told God that it’s in my back pocket, but fuck him anyway. Take what I have and I’ll kill you. But honest? I invite the challenge if only to sate the night. But the fact is I’m willing to share.

How do you do that? You pluck all the right strings? How do you do that?

I don’t hate myself in your light, but stab me in back; I might burn it all just to see what happens. It’s not that I have anything to lose or prove. It’s about raw humanism, and I think even the devil can get that.

I’m all out of sweet nothings to give. My teeth done rot. The truth is what I spit is gross, but I ain’t gonna sugar-coat it anymore. I don’t need a hug, I need my ass kicked, so I bet you do too. How do you do that?

I can still admit it’s all a game, and I’m up to something. How do you do that? You pluck all the right strings?

How do you do that?

Number One

Let’s not just explore the world. Let’s just take it.

Take it and redraw it in our image.

The world is broken; it’s our responsibility to influence the weak.

I don’t wanna watch it burn, unless I set the fire.

Maybe I’m a god of destruction, and I’m fine with that if I destroy the lies we’re told. I wanna hold the accountable accounted for.

Am I an agent of hell for wanting a little wrath on the betrayers?

I am the answers that bring the questions. I am pain in ecstasy. I am what I am.

I am Astaroth.